Never in a million years would I have identified myself as a doubting Thomas, but I stand here today looking much like him.
There are three accounts in the Bible that gives insight to Thomas (also known as Didymus).
In John 11:16 he is fearless, as he persuades the other disciples to follow Jesus to Judea even if it means death. There are days I feel like Thomas here.
In John 14:5 he makes an honest attempt to understand where Jesus is trying to take them because he really wants to know how to get there. There are days I feel like this Thomas.
Then in John 20:28 through John 21:2 it recounts that on the day the resurrected Christ showed up to show out, Thomas was MIA and just could not believe the second hand accounts from his most trusted friends. He was firm in his thought that he would not believe in a resurrected Christ without personally seeing and touching.
Doubt. It robs. It lies.
In July 2015, my mother went into surgery to remove a brain tumor. Within days, she was in renal failure with pneumonia. She recovered, but then went through a series of setbacks that brought her to the brink of death each time. One doctor told us that based upon her overall health that she was not worth saving. The neurologist told us that she would not even be as well as she was pre-op, which was pretty bad.
Based upon these doctors’ reports and knowing that mother would not want to end up in a nursing home, we began exercising her living will. During this terribly difficult season, my husband relentlessly challenged me about this decision. It was exhausting and nerve-wrecking. The whole thing pushed me to the edge of a full out nervous breakdown.
It was while I was talking through my husband’s “lack of support” to a confidant that the Lord spoke to me. I felt in my heart that the Lord was saying that my husband was not my enemy in this and that I should listen to him. But, to do that would mean that I believed my mother could recover, and I just could not believe that based upon what I saw. Eventually, she was placed in hospice care. Her private nurse told me back in October that she would not be here for Christmas.
Today, I visited my mother. She knew me and was the best she has been since going into hospice. Her kidneys now work. Her liver has improved. The only thing keeping her with hospice is her brain trauma, but I believe that may resolve soon.
Despite how fearless I’ve been at times in my faith walk and how honest I have been with God when I don’t understand something, when it came down to my trusted husband trying to be the Lord’s mouthpiece in this situation, my eyes and ears disagreed. Now, I have seen the Lord’s remarkable work, and I believe. I believe He is healing my mother. I am like Thomas.
Within the next 30 days, we will know what her future holds. In these next 30 days, I am going to live as though she is going to survive. My prayers are going to be different. My talk about my mother is going to be different. I am going to be different. All because I am no longer going to be a doubting Thomas.
Being a doubting Thomas has robbed my mother. I can’t help but wonder how much better she might be today had I not given up on her and the Lord.
What about you? Is there a situation that looks hopeless, but you are sensing God is still bringing hope? If so, be blessed by living that thing out in belief. Join me.
Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed;blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29
Gina Duke is the award-winning author of Organizing Your Prayer Closet: A New and Life-Changing Way to Pray (Abingdon Press), that introduces the gift of structured prayer journaling. You can enjoy her weekly #ShePrayerJournals weekend workshops on YouTube, and follower her on Twitter and Instagram at @TheGinaDuke.